Lie Detector
by petalled
Summary: Heero goes for a lie detector test only to discover that Zechs is the one administering it. How will he fare once Zechs starts asking questions about Relena? One shot.


**Lie Detector**

**By mistress amethyst une**

_Lies have no legs--That's why we all have to stand for them._

_**-From The Foolish Dictionary by Gideon Wurdz**_

Heero sat patiently awaiting his lie detector session. It was a yearly matter that needed to be taken care of. As a Preventer, trustworthiness was a requirement and Chief Une tested all the members of her organization to be sure of their loyalty.

A new lie detector had recently been developed. It came in the form of a metal thumb ring linked by wire to a rather fearful contraption that sent electric jolts through the individual being tested every time he or she lied. There were also two small bulbs that lit up to signify the results: green for truth and red for deceit.

Heero wondered if he could fool this new machine. For the past two years, he'd fooled the lie detector and answered dishonestly about certain matters. Would this new model finally squeeze the truth out of him?

The door of the testing room opened as a mildly traumatized male Preventer exited the room. He clutched his thumb and shuddered slightly.

"Your turn," he told Heero grimly.

Heero walked into the room and was more than a little shaken when he saw the person meant to administer the test.

"Zechs," he said in a tone of great annoyance.

"Heero," replied Zechs accordingly, "Please sit down."

Heero sat down and glared at him. Of all people, why Zechs? Did Une have a grudge against him?

Zechs slipped the lie detector ring onto Heero's thumb and smiled maniacally.

"How did you get Une to agree to this?" asked Heero.

"She owed me a favor."

"Must've been a pretty big favor."

"Her computer's memory got wiped. I let her copy my back-up files."

"You crashed her system, didn't you?"

"No harm done. She was never that technologically adept anyway."

"If I told her, you'd die."

"I doubt it. It's no secret that you don't exactly like me. No one would believe you. It would look like you were trying to get me in trouble."

Heero just smiled cockily at the surveillance camera in the corner.

"Don't even think about it," said Zechs, "The surveillance system is down today. You didn't think I'd be that careless, did you?"

Heero's face fell, "Let's get this over with."

"Alright then," began Zechs, "Have you ever been in an amorous situation with my little sister?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer."

"No."

Immediately, a zap ran through his thumb and made him shudder in surprise. The red bulb on the machine lit up.

"Liar," said Zechs, "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing."

Another zap...

"You're still lying. The light's red. Where did you do this?"

Heero was silent.

"At St. Gabriel Institute?"

"No."

The light turned green.

"Hm... So where? At the Sank Kingdom Pacifism School?"

"No."

Still green...

"On Libra?"

"No."

Another zap ran through him as the red bulb lit up.

"On Libra... Unbelievable. You did it right under my nose."

"Your big nose."

The light turned green.

"Haha... So you're a comedian now? What did you do? Did you deflower her?"

"No."

The light remained green.

"Good. I would have strangled you if that had turned red. Did you kiss her?"

"No."

The red bulb immediately turned on signaling another quick shock.

"You kissed her."

"I didn't."

The bulb switched to green again.

"What the hell? The light's green. You're cheating the machine!"

"No, I'm not."

Green...

"But-"

"I never kissed her."

"Have you ever wanted to?"

"No."

Back to red with another zap...

"I get it. Something happened on Libra. Not a kiss but something that made you _want_ to kiss her. What did you do?"

"Nothing."

Still red... Another light shock.

Heero's thoughts wandered back to that goodbye he'd given Relena before departing Libra for battle. He'd said some things. He'd even brought her head close to his and asked her to believe in him. Yeah, he'd wanted to kiss her... Sadly, they were both in space helmets and that pretty much got in the way of what should have been a farewell kiss.

"You really won't tell me, will you?" asked Zechs.

"No."

Green...

"I guess I'll have to ask her about that."

"Are we done?"

"We've only just begun."

"Hm... Figures."

"What do you think of me?"

"You're a pompous ass."

Still green...

"Now really? You're not going to get my approval that way."

"I don't need your approval."

"You will if you go around wanting to kiss my sister."

"I don't want to kiss her."

Back to red. He was beginning to develop immunity to the shocks.

Zechs, sensing that the shocks were losing their effect, smiled and stated, "Let's turn the electricity up, shall we?"

He promptly pressed a few buttons before resuming his questioning.

"How did you meet my sister?"

"On the beach."

Zechs raised a brow as the light remained green.

"Huh?"

"She found me unconscious on the beach. Called an ambulance and nearly blew my cover."

"She was worried for you."

"Worried for a complete stranger? I find that hard to believe."

Still green...

"And what happened at St. Gabriel's?"

"She invited me to her birthday party."

"And..."

"I tore up the invitation. She cried."

"Not guilty about that?"

"No."

Back to red. The zap that hit him was considerably stronger and nearly knocked him off his seat in shock.

"The verdict reads guilty."

Heero cringed. He remembered that day at school. She had been so nice but he couldn't let her get in the way so he tore up the invitation. In a brief second of stupidity, he let his regret show and wiped her tears away with a light swipe of the hand. Realizing his mistake, he quickly covered up his compassion when...

"I threatened to kill her."

Green...

"But you didn't mean it, did you?"

"I did."

Back to red. The electric jolt made him shudder again.

"We both know that's a lie. If you meant it, she wouldn't be alive today."

"Ask me all the questions you want but you're not going to get much out of me."

"That's for me to decide. Now, there was a school dance, what happened there?"

"Nothing."

Red. The zap that followed felt like a knife stabbing through his thumb.

"You keep saying nothing. But there's always something, isn't there?"

"Something like that pimple on your nose?"

Zechs unconsciously touched his nose as the red light signaled for another surge of electricity to run through Heero.

"You really should stop lying," stated Zechs.

"And you should stop being so vain."

"Let's get back to the questions. Did you dance with her?"

"No."

The red light prompted another surge which, for a moment, made Heero wish his thumb would fall off.

"I never thought you could dance, Heero."

"I never thought you could be such a bastard, Zechs."

"So what did you dance?"

"A waltz."

The green bulb lit up.

"And why did you dance with her?"

"She asked."

"But she put your mission in peril, didn't she? Why dance with a girl like that?"

Heero was quiet. She had told him that she knew about his mission and he'd aimed a gun to her head. In response, she had curtsied and asked him to dance. How was he supposed to respond to that? A threat of death hadn't scared her away and he couldn't shoot. It would draw too much attention and it wasn't as if she was someone who deserved to die. But she knew too much... She should die. He could leave but hadn't he hurt her enough? Her father just died, could he really hurt her immediately after that? Reluctantly, he agreed to dance to assuage her pain. He'd kill her later...

"Well..." said Zechs, "Why?"

"No reason."

The red light turned on once more and delivered a powerful surge which drew a slight whimper from Heero.

"Why?" asked Zechs again.

"She knew too much. I should have killed her..."

Green...

"I wanted to kill her," he continued, "But I couldn't. She said she understood. She said she was on my side. I tried to kill her when OZ attacked later that night. I tried..."

"But you couldn't?"

"No, I couldn't."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Green...

"Well, that's amazing. This is one of the few times I've seen you stumped."

"Don't rub it in," gritted Heero through his teeth as he regained his composure.

A slight knocking interrupted the lie detector session.

"Are you done in there?" asked a female voice both Zechs and Heero recognized as Une's.

"Not yet," said Zechs, "How are the files?"

"I've got them loaded in. You're a life saver, Zechs."

"That's what you think," said Heero loudly as Zechs rushed to cover his mouth.

"What was that?" asked Une.

"Nothing," said Zechs, "The electricity's beginning to have some adverse effects on Hee- Ow!"

Heero had bitten him!

"Bastard!" screamed Zechs, "That was low, even for you!

"What?" asked Une.

"Nothing!" replied Zechs, "You should get going."

"Ok..." she said, "Call security if you need it."

"You're an asshole!" said Zechs as he held his injured hand, "You probably have rabies..."

"Look who's talking. I'm not the one with hair like a sheepdog."

Zechs watched Heero desperately trying to pry the ring off.

"That isn't coming off without a pass code," said Zechs.

"What?"

"That ring is linked to the machine. The machine's bolted to the floor. To take it off, you'd have to break the machine and face Une's wrath or wait for me to unlock it."

"You are such a-"

"Smart schemer? I thought about everything. That keypad next to the bulbs is the only way out and only I can use it."

Heero growled, "I hate you!"

"Yet you like my sister, isn't that strange?"

"She's nothing like you! You're nasty, just plain nasty."

"I find that hard to believe. At least I never made a girl who never meant me any harm cry."

"I had no choice."

"No choice? You could have been nice to her."

"But the mission-"

"Fuck the mission! Get your priorities straight. Missions end but pain doesn't."

"Huh?"

"You hurt her. She looks at you odd, haven't you noticed?"

"No."

He had forgotten that the lie detector ring was still on him but he was swiftly reminded when he was hit by yet another surge of electricity.

"She told me," said Zechs, "You promised you'd protect her, didn't you?"

"Yes."

Green...

"Have you protected her?"

Heero thought back. Had he?

"I saved her from Dekim."

"You did. But what did you do afterwards?"

"Lost consciousness."

"And who caught you?"

"Relena."

"And then?"

"I ran away from the hospital and disappeared."

"So you forgot your promise, didn't you?"

"I never forgot. I watched over her. I became a Preventer to keep my promise."

"So she's just a commitment you have to keep."

"No."

Still green...

"Then what is she?"

"A friend."

Red again. The electric shock made Heero cry out now.

"Friend? Nobody I know goes around wanting to kiss their 'friend.'"

"Are we done yet?"

"No."

"What else do you want from me?"

"I want you to take good care of her."

"What?"

"Relena is really important to me. She's the only family I have. Unfortunately, she likes you."

"How is that unfortunate?"

"I hate you."

"I hate you too. Are we done now?"

"Did you know that her first word was 'Milliardo?' Not mama or papa, her first word was her big brother's name. Now I see the sister who adored me giving you the same recognition. I think that's unfair."

"Jealous?"

"Hardly. You don't deserve her accord."

"And what makes you think that?"

"Let me count the ways. For starters, the way you dress."

"What's wrong with the way I dress?"

"Tank tops and spandex?"

"It's easier to work in these clothes."

"There's a Preventer uniform for a reason."

"A reason that's hardly reasonable in the hot summer."

"It's stupid. The female Preventers spend half their time looking at your, how did they put it? Oh, right... 'Hot piece of ass.' I see you as an ass but you're definitely not hot."

"Same to you. What else is wrong with me?"

"The way you talk."

"What's wrong with the way I talk?"

"You are one of the few men who's had the gall to back sass me."

"And? Noin and Une boss you around all the time. I don't see why I can't."

"You're a real piece of work, aren't you?"

"What if I am?"

"Have you ever had sexual fantasies about my sister?"

"No."

The shock that hit Heero was twice as painful as the previous one and the glowing red bulb taunted him.

"Big lie, Heero. What was going through your dirty little mind?"

"Nothing."

The next shock made him groan in agony.

"I sure hope you're not kinky. You don't have a dominatrix or bondage fetish, do you?"

"No!" said Heero in a tone of such pure outrage that Zechs didn't even have to look at the machine to know he was telling the truth.

"That's good."

"Are we done now?"

"Just one last thing."

Zechs took a cell phone out of his pocket and dialed.

"Hello Relena," he said, "Could you come over to the Preventer building?"

Heero turned white. What was Zechs planning?

"Meet me in the testing room on the third floor. See you."

"What do you intend to do with me?" asked Heero with growing frustration.

"You'll see."

A few minutes passed before a slight knocking was heard.

"You wanted to see me, Milliardo?" said Relena's voice.

Zechs rose and unlocked the door. She came in and surveyed the room.

"What's going on here?" she asked upon seeing Heero, "Why is Heero wired to that machine?"

"Lie detector test," said Zechs, "I wanted to have you here for the final question I have for him."

Heero was visibly pale and clammy. This wasn't good. There was no way out...

"You told me something a while back, didn't you, Relena?"

"Well-"

"Something about him..."

"Um..."

"You told me you loved-"

"Milliardo!" she interrupted with a blush, "Please don't. I told you that in confidence."

"I think it's time you two stopped playing games," said Zechs, "You're not children anymore. Enough longing glances. Heero, do you love her?"

Heero was frozen in silence. The lie detector would tell the truth no matter what he said. If he said no and it was true, he was screwed. Relena would be heartbroken. If he said yes and it was true, he was still screwed. What would he do if he really did love her? If he said no and it wasn't true, he was really screwed. She would feel awful that he'd deny his love for her. If he said yes and it wasn't true, he was really really screwed. She'd think he pitied her and he'd know he didn't love her plus the lie would add insult to injury. So basically, he was screwed no matter what he said...

"Answer me," said Zechs, "Do you love her?"

"Don't force him, Milliardo," said Relena, "It's alright if he doesn't return my feelings."

"She's in love with you."

"Milliardo. Please don't..."

"She has been for a very long time."

"Milliardo..."

"She's been in a lot of pain because of you."

"Don't say any more."

"And I hate seeing her in pain."

"Please keep quiet."

"So answer me now!"

Heero remained silent. He didn't know what to say.

"Milliardo, stop this. Heero, I understand. You probably think I'm stupid. I'm going now."

She turned to leave but something stopped her.

She heard Heero's soft voice, "Yes."

"Green," said Zechs, "Glad you're telling the truth."

He then punched in the pass code and the lie detector ring fell from Heero's slightly burned thumb.

"I'll leave you two to yourselves," said Zechs as he walked out the door.

Heero stood up and walked towards Relena.

"Did you mean that?" she asked.

"I wasn't lying," he replied, "That's for sure."

She blushed, "He didn't torture you much, right? I never told him to do this."

"I know. Your brother is sick in the head."

"He just cares about me. I admit, he has, psychotic tendencies..."

'What about you?" asked Heero, "Do you really-"

"Of course," said Relena, "I've been crushing on you since that time I found you on the beach."

He smiled at her, "My thumb is sore."

"You must have lied quite a lot."

"You could say that."

"Would this make you feel any better?" she said as she embraced him.

"I know something that would really make me feel better," he said as he tilted her chin upwards to face him, "This..."

He promptly brushed his lips against hers and kissed her. She melted in his arms and kissed him back.

"Am I dreaming?" she asked unfocusedly.

"Definitely not," he said as he kissed her once more.

"I'm not so sure," she said as they paused to take a breath.

He smiled, "Relena, would I lie to you?"

**The End**

_A kiss is an indescribable something that is of no value to one, but is much prized by the right two._

_**-From The Foolish Dictionary by Gideon Wurdz**_

That is the longest one-shot I've ever done. I thought it would be funny to strap Heero to a lie detector. You guys are free to rip-off my idea as long as you give me credit. I'd really like to see someone try this with other couples like Dorothy/Quatre, Duo/Hilde, Zechs/Noin or Treize/Une. Now, that would be really interesting...


End file.
